Life Is A Maze

What, 2008 felt like to me.



It’s December already, 2008 is coming to an end. I usually write a year-end post before the New Years about how my whole year was and what it meant to me. This year, I found myself just thinking about what to write, right now.

And, it’s just… blank.

Because this year, nothing productive happened. Nothing interesting. Nothing remotely close to mind blowing.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just a big whole NOTHING.

I think my life came to a sudden halt. I think I went through this mid-teen-in-between-adult-life crisis. I was confused most of the time. I didn’t want to waste my life doing something I didn’t love so I spent one whole year thinking about what I want in life and the things I hope to achieve in a few years.

At the end of the day, I feel like my time spent on thinking about what I want, was spent wasted instead. And it makes me feel like shit, like a total fuck up. I’m not saying it’s a complete waste, it made me realize that I really needed time by myself and time to be alone. It was a great year to have some self-realization. With most of my friends in Australia, I was home most of the time, (and it’s funny that nobody believes that I only have like, three friends. Haha.) so I had a lot of alone time, which I truly appreciate.

My sabbatical (HAHA!) also made me realize what I truly want; to work in another country. It’s going to be shit hard but I’m willing to try. If the states doesn’t work, London maybe, London’s cool I guess. Haha. If I had realized this earlier, maybe I would have started working this year instead of wasting it. But I can’t do anything now to fix that… and I’m glad some higher power had given me this sudden realization.

Clearly, my belief in a higher power is still pretty much stagnant because I can’t even say His name, if He does exist. Religion is a sensitive and private topic for me, so don’t ask and you can judge, but I won’t give a damn.

If there were anything great about this year, it would be going to Melbourne; it was a very carefree period for me, leaving my NOTHING life behind. I also started reading a lot and started writing again. I started playing the guitar again and even picked up piano. These were all great things that happened to me.

Ofcourse, I had to thank a few people for making my year wonderful.

Family; for understanding that I needed the time to reflect and not pressuring me to choose a road I was unsure of.

Phei Chuen; for always saying stupid things, acting silly and most importantly, making me laugh! You don’t give two shits about a lot of things, about me sometimes as well… haha, which means you really don’t judge much. So thank you. Oh, and for all the yum cha sessions at Al Ehsan… it made me look like I had a life and was out all the time… but actually was just out with you, at the same spot, eating the same fried chicken. HAHA!

Shal and Chui; for being a few of my ONLY friends in Malaysia. HAHA!!! For all the badminton sessions and bak kut teh sessions. And for never saying I was wasting my life doing nothing, I think you guys were the only ones who didn’t. But if you were THINKING about it, then I take all the above back. Haha. No seriously, I mean it… I will take it all back. (:

Simone; for all the countless heart-to-heart talks we had at Tanjung. Cheers to our dreams! Remember where we will be in 2 years!

Benji; for NEVER EVER EVER judging me. And for being the only who can make me smile when I cry. You are the only one that will never upset me, and I love you for that. (Benji is my dog, btw. And no, I’m not crazy.)

Lastly, Jon; for loving me although I’m like a lost little child. For putting up with my bullshit and giving me everything I want. (Except for the new condominium I asked for, but it’s cool.) For trying to make it work, although I felt like giving up. For coming home, and making me feel like nothing has changed. I will love you long time. Haha. :)

Labels: aspirations, life, love

Twilight; Me Like.

Like, not love.

Labels: movie review, twilight

I Feel Like Dying

Because I've been so, so tremendously sick. And I know this blog is slowly dying too... and I'm sorry about that. Atleast this blog isn't feeling the nauseating gut wrenching pain, followed by a series of nasty diarrhea and a fever that I can't sweat out. Am I getting the chicken pox? Maybe. Just a week ago I was playing badminton with my friend who just recovered from chicken pox. Maybe I got infected? I don't know. Part of me really wants to get the pox, another part of me just doesn't. November is such an important month!

First, my mom's birthday and we're planning this fancy dinner thing. Then Jon returns from Melbourne. I haven't seen him in ages and I miss him. (That's as far as PDA goes around here.) Oh, and there is Chui Mun's birthday and her awesome party! That one I must go! And then if I get the pox, can I be so selfish to drag myself to the cinema on the 27th for the premiere of Twilight? Should I be that ruthless to infect over hundreds of people with my filthy pox-diseased-infected air? Eh, who cares about the people who will get sick because of me. Honestly, I probably did you a favour for infecting you now! Better now than later! :)

So for the past few days, I've been stuck in my room. It's a struggle just going down to the living room but the TV is there so I drag myself down anyway. Then I lie on the couch for five hours watching the E! Channel and Star World. I can never get sick of Friends rerun, over and over again! I love Chandler BING... :)

Anyway... before I got sick, I decided my room needed a change. I was bored out of my mind so I decided to re-arrange some of the furnitures/stuff in my room. (Nasty note: Also, there was this spider slowly building his home in my room. Everytime I ruin its web, it makes another one. So I finally found it due to spring cleaning, and I killed it. Oh I KILLED IT GOOD!) No big changes, just minor ones. But it feels more spacious now compared to before.

Here's how my room looks like now!

Labels: random